Pratt By Name, Pratt By Nature (Pointless Celeb #20)

My God I hate Spencer Pratt.

Putting the Douche into Bag since 2006! 

I never watched, or cared about MTV’s The Hills or the cretins that it spawned.  I did a pretty good job of never seeing a single episode, that was, until it finished in 2010.  I decided to finally give it a go, acquired every single episode of all six seasons and watched them back to back in a darkened room.  It was the best summer of my life!

I was already aware from my friends that Spencer Pratt was a wrong ‘un, having had to sit through them dissecting each episode with “just LOOK at what he’s doing to Heidi”, “He’s CRAZY” and “Why can’t she just say NO!!!!!”, not actually understanding, at the time, what they were talking about. 

When I started watching the show, I decided to make my own mind up about Spencer but when he showed up in series 2 as Heidi Montag’s new boyfriend, it took me about 2 seconds before I started shouting “NOOOOOO HEIDI, NOOOOOOOO” at the TV.  How can a guy so deluded about his own self importance live on a day to day basis without someone saying “hey dude, you’re a dick”?  If I saw him walking down the street I’d have to punch him square in the face, and continue punching until a police man pulled me off his limp, lifeless body. 

The man has no redeeming features.  How could you NOT hate Spencer,? Some of his best work includes; going for a vasectomy behind his new wife’s back (even though he chickened out), alienating all his and Heidi’s friends and family, causing Heidi to lose her job, telling his own sister she was dead to him, threatening his sister in law and threatening the MTV crew!  If any of us acted the same way he has over the years we would’ve had our faces smashed in or chased out of town by an angry mob.  Because no one has called him up on his bad behaviour, instead seemingly applauded him by turning him into a cover star, he thinks he can get away with it.  My God, I’d love just five minutes with the freak – I’d tell him everything everyone seems to be too frightened to.

When he got chucked off the show in the middle of the sixth series it was because of his threatening behaviour.  But what got my blood running cold was a couple of episodes before, Spencer was on camera saying that he had banned Heidi from having a mobile, using the internet and watching TV to make sure she was “logged out of the Matrix”.  Translation – I control my because and I don’t want her reading stories on how big a prick I am because she’ll divorce me.  He’s a one man cult in bad clothes.

What gets me is that he has no talent.  From what I saw from The Hills he has never had a job, so where does his money come from?  He. just like every other pointless celebrity, he walks around thinking it’s his God given right to be on the front of magazines and on TV shows.  The reality is he’s a spoilt little three year old brat in a 27 year old’s body.  How can this guy be classed as a celebrity????

At the end of 2010, he was declared bankrupt, and, in my opinion, it couldn’t have happene to a nicer person.  People who think they can live the life of an A lister on the wage of a Z lister need their comeuppance and I’m so glad he’s starting to get his – a big black mark against his name for a good few years!  No credit cards, no store cards, no credit full stop!  The only thing I can’t understand is that after finally getting a backbone to leave him, Heidi is now back with him, so he's going to leech off her for the rest of her life and never have to grow up and get a real job.

POINTLESS CELEBRITY #20 – Spencer Pratt

H x

Hey Little Rich Kids (Pointless Celebs #18)

Trash TV is my guilty pleasure. 

Trash TV has, in the past, made me change my plans of an evening to make sure I don’t miss the next edition of a mind-numbing show that reduces my IQ by 10% every 5 minutes I watch; “My Super Sweet 16”, “16 and pregnant”, “Laddette to Lady” – the crapper the concept, the more likely it is to have me hooked within seconds. It’s a love hate thing – I love to watch them and hate myself for it!

My new guilty pleasure is MTV’s Teen Cribs…

I’ve spent the past few years dipping in and out of the show, only managing 10 minutes at a time before getting envious of these precocious brats just because they have fireman poles instead of stairs, a self cleaning bathroom or a cinema room bigger than my local Odeon.  How can my 4 bed terrace in a quiet cul-de-sac compare to that?

But lately, I’ve found myself sitting in front of the TV watching episode after episode, shouting at the rich kids gurning their way through a whole 30 minutes as they show you around their Daddy’s home looking like the cat that got the cream.  But that’s just it, IT’S YOUR DAD’S HOME.  Your Dad is the one with the money to buy the self opening oven, heated toilet seats and chandeliers made from the frozen tears of Ethiopian babies.  You're just one lucky son of a bitch to be born into that family. 

I’m pretty sure all the kids on the show will NEVER actually work a day in their lives, instead coasting through life wanting to be “an actor”, living off Mummy and Daddy’s allowance, waiting for them to kick the bucket so they inherit everything.  Once you realise they are just wasters with a Platinum Visa, it’s a bit easier to handle, because you can just laugh at how deluded they are.

What annoys me it that MTV are treating and encouraging them to act like an A Lister as they ramble on about why their walk in closet is the size of my entire house and why they simply HAD to have the brand new Bentley in pink to go to prom, always trying to convince us they are the new Usher or Missy Elliot.  I even saw one episode with a 14 year old girl showing MTV around her “outside grotto that’s exactly like the Playboy mansion’s”.  YOU’RE 14.  YOU SHOULDN’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT PLAYBOY OR WHAT GOES ON IN THEIR GROTTO!!!!  And if your grotto is anything like Hef's, you may want to take a trip to the nearest STD clinic, because I don't think chlorine can save you!

What really pisses me off the most is how the privately educated, want-for-nothing, spoilt brats think they can pretend their “street” by throwing gang signs at the camera, calling their cleaner their “homie” and their mates, who just happen to be at the house on the day of filming, their “party crew”.  YOU CAN’T BE STREET – LOOK AT YOUR HOUSE – IT TAKES YOU 15 MINUTES TO WALK TO THE STREET FROM YOUR FRONT DOOR.  And then, more often than not, it’s a gated street in a gated community.  You are about at street at Prince William mate!

I’d love MTV to do the follow up show “When Teen Cribs Grown Up, Get Cut Off From Daddy, Thrown Out Of The Mansion And Have To Live In The Projects”.  Now THAT’S a reality TV show I’d watch religiously!!!

POINTLESS CELEBRITY #18 – Anyone that’s appeared in Teen Cribs

H x