Another Wannabe From the House of Big Brother (Pointless Celeb 28)

While out walking round what can only be described as a flea market, I was rudely reminded of this desperado, as one of the stalls there had a massive board with her face gurning down on us mere mortals, selling her perfume for £2 a bottle! Christ, I bet the Marc Jacobs perfume house must be shaking to their foundations and worried about their sales!!!

Once again, a quick look at her Wikipedia page, she's described as a "Media Personality" (which means WTF do you do for your money???) and a "Model". Gracing the cover of Nuts and Loaded with everything hanging out does not a model make!  I believe the term you are looking for is "SLAPPER".  Especially when the story that goes with said cover shot is along the lines of "I done it with a footballer, I'm proper sexy me!"  Yeah, as sexy as Rose West in an Anne Summers outfit, darling!!


She's been lurking in the shadows since 2007 when she entered the Big Brother house, saying she was a Victoria Beckham lookalike, started a "show-mance" with Ziggy (who kind of looked like a David Beckham doll that had been left too near a radiator and had melted).    


After walking out of the BB House and once the magazine deals had dried up (within a week of her exit) she went down the tried and tested route to keep her "Z lister with no talent" status - by banging footballers.  Selling stories on how Generic Footballer #43758 was great in bed and the best she'd ever had.... until Generic Footballer #43759.  Seriously, it's almost like the  Women's Movement never happened.  What ever happened to earning money OFF your own back, not being ON it?!?


She's since had a baby with Generic Footballer #Not Known, and is happy selling stories on how she's coping as a single mum seeing as he didn't even stick around to see her pop out the fruits of his loins.


Since plopping out a sprog, she'd had to lower her standards.  No longer can she party with the football elite, she's been resorted to bumping uglies with Jack Tweed - another upstanding person of the community!


No one cared about her in Big Brother and no one cares about her now.  She can snap back into shape post baby, the fact is, NO ONE WANTS TO SEE IT ANYMORE - we've seen it all years ago before it sagged, the only thing that's new are the stretch marks round your mouth!


Chanelle.... no matter what you think, you ARE NOT a model. You just have tits and a friend with a camera!  If you want your kid to be proud of you, put your clothes back on and get a job in Tesco.


POINTLESS CELEBRITY 28 - Chanelle Hayes


H x

Big Brother's Bitchier Sister.....

Big Brother is back!  Read about it here

http://bigbrothersbitchiersister.blogspot.com/

Sob Story of the Century (Pointless Celeb #25)

If you’re from Wales you’ll know Imogen Thomas for being a fame hungry former Miss Wales, if you’re from the UK you’ll know Imogen Thomas as a fame hungry Big Brother contestant and if you’re from anywhere in the world you’ll probably know her as the fame hungry hussy who’s had an affair with a married footballer, but can’t sell her story and get mega bucks because he’s hidden himself behind a super injunction!

This Z lister is a fully subscribed member to the “famous for being famous” club.  And as with all Z listers she has a dodgy home sex tape, has appeared on the front page of every lads mag out there with her knockers out and been photographed on the arm of many a famous sports personality trying to become the latest WAG, but always failing!

I’ve never liked Imogen – she’s just too try-hard and desperate.  Always chasing the next magazine spread or newspaper cover, setting up photo shoots to make it look like she’s been “papped”, when really, who the hell would be following her normally?!?  She is no better than the kiss-and-tell girls that fill the Sunday papers in the UK with their stories of how they managed to pull a famous football player while out partying in the newest club in London – slags through and through and I detest every single one of them!  But it’s a sad state of affairs when you’ve been famous for 5 years, but not be known for doing anything of note except sleep around!

When news broke a few weeks ago that Imogen had been caught out seeing another footballer, I just rolled my eyes and said “not another one!”  Except this one wasn’t like all the rest, because this one did not want to  linked to Imogen in anyway and got himself to the lawyers quick sharp and got a super injunction to protect him with Harry Potter's cloak of invisibility so we’ll never know who this family man  is!   

But considering she’s gagged and not allowed to sell her story, I’m getting a bit sick and tired of seeing her face pretending to be sad peering down from every glossy magazine out there, on the TV with her crocodile tears, proclaiming that she loved her footballer and thought they would be together forever and ever….. whatever love!  We don’t fall for it one bit!  I’d quite like to know just how much money Ms Thomas has made from interviews talking about a story she can’t ACTUALLY talk about.

I do feel a little sorry for her though – I may not like her, but I do pity her.  Since the “I shagged a married man” scandal hit the headlines her reputation has hit an all time low and could affect her ability to work (if you call turning up to the opening of an envelope work!) How will she pay her bills?  When you’re painted as the scarlet woman all over town, how are you expected to get giggs?!?!?!

POINTLESS CELEBRITY #25 – Imogen Thomas

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She’s Living The Dream…. We’re Living a Nightmare! (Pointless Celeb #16)

Big Brother has unleashed an army of talentless wannabes who parade themselves across the TV and in every glossy magazine out there with a false sense of importance.  The last few series of the show even saw people openly admit they were only on the show to get famous and sell out, despite having no talent whatsoever.

The one person who gets me shouting and screaming whenever she’s on the TV or the cover of a magazine or anywhere else she can shoehorn her massive nose is Chantelle Houghton. 

As is the norm with any Big Brother candidate, she’s thick as pick shit, has a voice of a fish wife and just because she looks a bit like Paris Hilton, she thinks she can act like her too.  What was different with Chantelle was that she took part in "Celebrity Big Brother", even though she wasn’t a celebrity.  Those pesky Big Brother execs sure know how to spice up a TV show just enough to be able to flog it for a few more years!

She had to pretend that she was in a girl group even though she was tone deaf (mind you when did that stop Atomic Kitten?)  And just to show how far up their own arses the celebrities were, they all fell hook line and sinker for her sham without really questioning her.  They more interested in hogging camera time for themselves to care about a little blonde Essex chav.  It goes to prove my theory that celebs live in their own little bubble away from the world where everything revolves around them and they don't care about anyone else but themselves.  Jackasses!

The thing that made her a little bit interesting was the fact that she started to fancy and flirt outrageously with another housemate – a singer in a rather unknown band, who at the time had a long term partner!  Somehow, she ended up winning the show and pocketing £250,000 in the process!  Chantelle turned into a media sweetheart overnight.  She had her own TV show, appeared on any other show that’d have her, became a columnist (which is ironic, because I doubt she can even spell the word) and wrote her own autobiography!

And surprise, surprise, when the singer realised he was getting no headlines of his own, but Chantelle was getting loads, he dumped the long term girlfriend, hooked up with Chantelle and married her within a few months.  Together they hogged the headlines for being one of the dopiest couples around!  And when the marriage hit the skids after 10 months (because no one cared anymore) we were all supposed to look shocked and NOT say “told you so”.  Rumours were that he went back to the long term girlfriend for a bit - what a surprise!

Just when it looked like Chantelle was migrating to the celebrity graveyard filled with ex soap stars and any designer that appeared on "Changing Rooms", Big Brother had to go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like “Ultimate Big Brother”.  Pitting ALL the fuckwit contestants of the show over the years against each other to find the ultimate toss pot.  Of course Chantelle went back in – and so did the ex husband.  And the will they, won’t they love story started all over again….

… except this time we really didn’t give a crap.  And neither did he.  Even though Chantelle revealed she still had feelings for him, he strung her along, saw that she didn’t win this time, saw we didn’t care about her or any of them and then dumped her all over again. And then, once again, she was EVERYWHERE, playing the hard done by ex (while pocketing handsome pay cheques for every time she sold her story and her soul.)

You do have to give it to her though, because despite not actually doing a proper job for the past 5 years, she’s supposed to be a millionaire. 

Chantelle epitomises EVERYTHING that’s wrong with the celebrity obsession we have.  There are people looking up to her and aspiring to be her, yet she’s actually done NOTHING with her life.  How about idolising someone with at least half a brain people?

Chantelle’s a one trick reality star happy to hog headlines that paint her as the hard done by victim, wanting  and willing people to pity her.  But now Big Brother has been cancelled, what's she going to do to get her face back on the TV?  I suppose there's always "The Weakest Link", come to think about it, opening boxes on "Deal or No Deal" is more her intellectual level!

POINTLESS CELEBRITY # 16 – Chantelle Houghton

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Surely His 9 Lives Have Been Used Up?!? (Pointless Celeb # 13)

There isn’t much anyone can say about Jack Tweed that puts him in a good light.  He is thick as pig’s shit, famed for hogging headlines through bad behaviour and walks around with an air of importance that he hasn’t earned.

He crash landed into our lives in 2005, after hooking up with reality hag Jade Goody in a nightclub and becoming her boyfriend.  Nothing says Gold digger quite like a man happy to live off the coat tails of their girlfriend, sponging their way through life and her bank account.

He swaggered into the Celebrity Big Brother House along with Jermaine Jackson and "Face" from the A Team thinking he was one of them.  Within days he showed himself up to be the pond life that he really is by getting drawn into, what has to be, the biggest race row in UK TV history by calling Shilpa Shetty a c**t, dick and P**i, all done with a smug grin on his face that made me want to smash my way through the TV just to get to him and batter the crap out of him.  He had not right being in the show in the first place - he's a nobody, let alone act like he owned the house!  Surely the only people who thought he was awesome were members of the BNP – the rest of us thought HE was the c**t!

When most people become public enemy #1, they do everything in their power to turn their lives around and prove to the rest of us they are nice people really.  That is, unless you’re Jack Tweed.  He continued to grab headlines for drunken behaviour, debauchery and attacking people. He’s been in and out of prison, electronically tagged and yet still he treats it as a laugh.

When Jade was diagnosed with cancer, and looking for support from her long term boyfriend to help get her through the treatments, he was in prison for attacking a 16 year old boy with a golf club.  Shortly after being released he went straight back in for attacking a taxi driver.  And after Jade died, he was arrested for rape (although was found not guilty of the charge in court).

He said that Jade’s death would make him grow up.  It’s been almost 2 years and he’s still the same douchebag he always was - not working but always partying.  You have to ask – what the hell is he doing for money these days?  Jade left him nothing, giving all her money to her kids.  Jack hasn’t had a job of note for 6 years – how is he paying his bills?????

If ever there was an archetypal bloke you DON’T want your daughter to bring home, Jack Tweed would be that bloke!  No prospects, no money, no point to his life!

Jack Tweed.  You are a pointless scum bag who has not just a chip, but a whole sack of potatoes on your shoulder.  You need to crawl back under the rock you came out of because no one likes you or wants to see your face (unless it's being hit by a bus).  You’re about as talented as Jade, but without the sob story.

POINTLESS CELEBRTITY #13 – Jack Tweed

H x