Nothing has shocked, scared and got me as hooked as Amy Winehouse on crack this year quite like Pineapple Dance Studio. And I know that I’m not the only one. I remember the time when my Facebook newsfeeds were full of my males friends saying they were getting ready to sit down and watch the newest reality show about a dance studio. And yes, of course I watched it too!!!
The one person who could get me shouting at the telly within seconds of his gurning face appearing on screen was Louie Spence.
He made me want to rip off parts of my own body, just so I had something to throw at the screen. But I could never bring myself to change the channel, or let anyone else do it either! It was like his fluorescent legwarmers had me hypnotised.
This guy both MADE the show and turned it into stuff of nightmares. With his high kicks, tight tops, and lisp, he was like that annoying child you want to force feed Ritalin to, whether they have ADHD or not.
He made sure the camera was on him 90% of the time and if it wasn’t, he shoehorned himself into shot, normally with a kick so high it got most grown men reaching for their banjo string, mentally feeling the twag!
In reality, Louie Spence is just a dancer. He doesn’t own Pineapple Dance Studio, he’s just the hired help for wannabe celebs to learn a talent that’ll pad out a CV in between “dead body in Casualty” and “non speaking extra in Coronation Street”. How pissed must Debbie Moore be? Her blood, sweat and tears went in to starting the studio, turning it into a multi million pound business, getting her own TV show that’ll film her getting an OBE, only for people to more interested in Louie having to clean up poo from the back doorstep! BUT IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HER SHOW!! Even “Starman” Andrew Stone was left out in the cold and portrayed as a nut job that was so narcissistic he ditched a backing singer because she was better looking than him. But why did everyone grow to love Louie? I found him annoying, and much like a little seal pup, needed a good clubbing over the head!
After watching the show, I knew I HAD to go and see the studio when I was in London. What I hadn’t expected to see was a steady stream of people turning up to have their photo taken outside the studio. And I lost count of the number of fit men I walked past in Covent Garden who turned to their mate and said “Let’s go see if Louie Spence is working!” WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD???
In the show, Louie came across as a needy man child. Someone, who if they lived in the real world with no camera’s following him, you'd cross the road to avoid or try and get sectioned (but not before pointing and laughing first). Why does the fact he’s been on TV make him the latest media sweetheart? He’s been everywhere since the show finished – TV, magazines, radio. He’s even been “the star in the reasonably priced car” on Top Gear. WHAT? He’s not a star.
When Pineapple Dance Studio got cancelled after 1 season, I cheered knowing I wouldn’t have to subject myself to him anymore and then almost instantly became sad and went on the hunt for all the episodes so I could watch them whenever I wanted (I haven’t got them – I managed to stop myself just in time. Although when the box set DVD comes out, I'm not sure if I'll be able to stop myself then!)
So when we think back to the new celebs of 2010, the one everyone will talk about is the camp dancer with the speech impediment! Let’s hope 2011 is the year for alpha male celebs so Louie can pack up his lycra and tutu and fade into obscurity. Maybe become choreographer for the Sugababes when they do their Butlins tour!
POINTLESS CELEBRITY # 9 – Louie Spence
H x
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