My blood ran cold when I read the headline “JEDWARD TO HOST SATURDAY MORNING SHOW”.
There are a handful of celebrities that get my blood pressure rising just by hearing their name. Jedward is one of them! If you’ve been living under a rock (or just not taking any notice of the comings and goings in Planet Celeb) you may not have heard of John and Edward Grimes, but chances are, you have.
Before you point out there are two of them, and therefore should be Pointless Celeb #4 & 5, in my opinion, if you willingly join your names together just to save precious seconds in saying “John AND Edward”, you should be treated as one pointless person (plus I can’t tell them apart!)
Jedward, to me, epitomises everything that is wrong with the “I’ll do anything for 15 minutes of fame” brigade. Why go on a singing competition if you can’t sing? But then, we (and I use the royal we, as I’m nothing to do with this) encouraged them by keeping them in the X Factor for seven weeks longer than they should have. And since then, they’ve been circling the celebrity drain refusing to go down the plughole of obscurity, much like the goldfish I had that took 5 flushes before vanishing out of sight.
But why, 12 months after their X Factor series, are they still around? They’ve released a couple of singles, an album, had a TV series and even did a tour – and it wasn’t to mental homes around the UK! Who in their right minds would pay to see those two knobheads jump about the stage?
So when the last single bombed and ITV decided that filming paint drying would be a more interesting TV show, I got excited and placed a bet on how many days it would be before they turned up at McDonalds asking if you wanted a Smarties or Crunchie McFlurry with your meal. But just when you think they are one punch away from a KO, someone is at hand to give them the cheat for maximum health and infinite lives.
In my opinion, Jedward are false celebrities. No one I know likes them and I’m yet to find anyone who actually bought their album or singles. Why are they still getting jobs? More importantly, why are the BBC trying to use my money to turn them into the “next Ant and Dec”? JUST GET ANT AND DEC!!!! While my friends and I struggle and get rejected for jobs at Auntie, they want to pay thousands for those two Irish goons. WTF?!
The only joy Jedward’s given me, was when one of them hurt themselves on stage. The hours of laughter that reverberated around the walls of Chez Lewis as I repeated the video on YouTube, just to see the agony on his face as his limped around the stage. It still makes me laugh even now!
But seriously, Jedward can’t sing, can’t dance, can’t act, can barely speak English, yet, much like Jason Voorhees, JUST WON’T DIE!!! Not even Same Difference managed a career longer than a couple of months post X Factor. Surely it’s not just the luck of the Irish? Why do people love them? Does anyone? I’ve seen them and I struggle to believe their own mother has anything but contempt for them. Most boybanders get popular because the girlies fancy them. If Jedward give you a funny feeling inside, then you are quite clearly mental and need to be sectioned straight away.
Jedward - it’s NOT right and it’s NOT ok. Get off my TV NOW!
POINTLESS CELEBRITY #004 - Jedward
H x
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