Big Brother has unleashed an army of talentless wannabes who parade themselves across the TV and in every glossy magazine out there with a false sense of importance. The last few series of the show even saw people openly admit they were only on the show to get famous and sell out, despite having no talent whatsoever.
The one person who gets me shouting and screaming whenever she’s on the TV or the cover of a magazine or anywhere else she can shoehorn her massive nose is Chantelle Houghton.
As is the norm with any Big Brother candidate, she’s thick as pick shit, has a voice of a fish wife and just because she looks a bit like Paris Hilton, she thinks she can act like her too. What was different with Chantelle was that she took part in "Celebrity Big Brother", even though she wasn’t a celebrity. Those pesky Big Brother execs sure know how to spice up a TV show just enough to be able to flog it for a few more years!
She had to pretend that she was in a girl group even though she was tone deaf (mind you when did that stop Atomic Kitten?) And just to show how far up their own arses the celebrities were, they all fell hook line and sinker for her sham without really questioning her. They more interested in hogging camera time for themselves to care about a little blonde Essex chav. It goes to prove my theory that celebs live in their own little bubble away from the world where everything revolves around them and they don't care about anyone else but themselves. Jackasses!
The thing that made her a little bit interesting was the fact that she started to fancy and flirt outrageously with another housemate – a singer in a rather unknown band, who at the time had a long term partner! Somehow, she ended up winning the show and pocketing £250,000 in the process! Chantelle turned into a media sweetheart overnight. She had her own TV show, appeared on any other show that’d have her, became a columnist (which is ironic, because I doubt she can even spell the word) and wrote her own autobiography!
And surprise, surprise, when the singer realised he was getting no headlines of his own, but Chantelle was getting loads, he dumped the long term girlfriend, hooked up with Chantelle and married her within a few months. Together they hogged the headlines for being one of the dopiest couples around! And when the marriage hit the skids after 10 months (because no one cared anymore) we were all supposed to look shocked and NOT say “told you so”. Rumours were that he went back to the long term girlfriend for a bit - what a surprise!
Just when it looked like Chantelle was migrating to the celebrity graveyard filled with ex soap stars and any designer that appeared on "Changing Rooms", Big Brother had to go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like “Ultimate Big Brother”. Pitting ALL the fuckwit contestants of the show over the years against each other to find the ultimate toss pot. Of course Chantelle went back in – and so did the ex husband. And the will they, won’t they love story started all over again….
… except this time we really didn’t give a crap. And neither did he. Even though Chantelle revealed she still had feelings for him, he strung her along, saw that she didn’t win this time, saw we didn’t care about her or any of them and then dumped her all over again. And then, once again, she was EVERYWHERE, playing the hard done by ex (while pocketing handsome pay cheques for every time she sold her story and her soul.)
You do have to give it to her though, because despite not actually doing a proper job for the past 5 years, she’s supposed to be a millionaire.
Chantelle epitomises EVERYTHING that’s wrong with the celebrity obsession we have. There are people looking up to her and aspiring to be her, yet she’s actually done NOTHING with her life. How about idolising someone with at least half a brain people?
Chantelle’s a one trick reality star happy to hog headlines that paint her as the hard done by victim, wanting and willing people to pity her. But now Big Brother has been cancelled, what's she going to do to get her face back on the TV? I suppose there's always "The Weakest Link", come to think about it, opening boxes on "Deal or No Deal" is more her intellectual level!
POINTLESS CELEBRITY # 16 – Chantelle Houghton
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